Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1481

Chicago Hash #1481
March 11, 2007
Hare: PUKE SUIT RIOT & SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO
Venue: CASA de SINGLE WIDE
Visitor: Pied Piper
Attendees: Sugar Nipples, Canned Pussy, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Virtually Hung, Chicken Stiffer, Bloody Thighs, Pussy Galore, Horn-e, Rear Loader, Magnetic Muff, Pardon My Flaps, Bloody Diarrhea, Just Ramsey, and Just Gunner,

PUKE SUIT RIOT laid one of Chicago’s best trails in a long time and it was live too!!! The day was so beautiful that we didn’t mind starting around 2:40 pm after giving the hare a 10-minute hare start. The trail started off south and wound through the neighborhoods west of the tracks, Roscoe Village I believe. The Hash flag was up front for most of the day with Chicken Stiffer doing the honors of carrying it. Props have to be given to VIRTUALLY HUNG for dragging around a dog all day long or was JUST GUNNER dragging him?? The trail came to a check and SUGAR NIPPLES kept calling are you? Are you? And a Chicago resident asked are you what?? Well he was no hasher!! The trail went west and came to a check near Ashland and Ravenswood. CHICKEN went south and was soon DFL but PUSSY GALORE and BLOODY THIGHS found the trail going north. I was surprised that the canine patrol of SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO & JUST RAMSEY with PARDON MY FLAPS & BLOODY DIARRHEA were not able to sniff out this trail. I guess the dogs are not bloodhounds. The trail kept going north and soon CHICKEN was back with the pack and changed status from DFL to FRB again weird this was. HORN-e and VIRTUALLY HUNG were off on a wild goose chase up near the corner of Lincoln and Damen. Its not a bad place to get lost though with several German Brauhaus in the area one would never go thirsty!! About this time REAR LOADER showed up but in a car. He tried to run down an unnamed hasher. The pack also saw HARRY MANHOLE on trail he has not been back with us from sometime. Maybe next week he said.

The pack found the beer stop under the el-tracks near Irving Park Road, this was welcome relief for the thirsty pack. PUKE SUIT was given a few more minutes to lay trail out but I believe most of the pack bailed on him and ran straight back to the house. The FRB for the day was BLOODY THIGHS. Back at the house the Pack was treated to numerous goodies and plenty of beer. We also were witness to numerous dog porno scenes because JUST GUNNER mounted BLOODY DIARRHEA and began to give him the business. I hope BD isn’t scared for life. Our trusty RA CALVIN KLEIN ran the circle. The most interesting accusation of the day was BATTERIES apparent lack of electrical expertise because when she installed her ceiling fan the light goes on when you turn on the microwave and the fan starts when you turn on the TV, and she is an Electrician?? Well have a good week everyone and remember next week is GREEN DRESS in St. Louis and I still have a few rooms left for anyone to join us. Looks like we have 18 Chicago hashers going to join 120 other hashers in the BIG-HUMP.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

1500th Haring Committee

Calling All Hares,

The 1500th committee is asking for volunteers to hare for the July 21st CH3 1500th Hash. If you think you have the ears to hare this momentous event then please submit your name and be counted. Those people that submit their names to hare this event will be asked to comply with a few requirements.

1. The hare will have to lay trail from the venue designated by the committee.
2. The hare will have overall charge of the trail but needs to show a general outline of their trail to the 1500th committee at a minimum 2 weeks before the event. The committee does NOT want to control the trail but needs to see that planning has occurred.
3. The Hare may hire any Co-Hares he or she wishes to help lay trail.
4. The Hare will help the committee decide where and how many beer stops will be on the trail.

Those people that submit their names to hare will be place on a ballot or poll. The entire membership of the CH3 will then vote whom they would like to hare for this date. We have a lot of great hares out there so please give this careful consideration.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1479

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1479

Feb. 25 #1479 the Hash Ball Hangover Hash

Hare: Chicken Stiffer-CH3 GM
Virgin: Just Lindsey
Locals: Cunt & Pasties, Smell This, Boner Malfunction, Two Tickets too a Pair a Thighs, Flying Hooters, Mount Schwinga, Its too Soft, Cum in My Assfault, Horn-e, Just Do Me Slowly, Virtually Hung, and Calvin Klein

The hash started late because it was waiting for a carload of hashers arriving from Casa De SMELL THIS. He had with him BONER, TWO TIKS, and MOUNT SCHWINGA. It turns out that TWO TIKS never even made it home from hash ball and was wearing other people’s clothes to hash this day. The weather was very shitty this day we had rain, sleet, snow, etc. and the ground was covered with giant puddles of cold wet water. The Trail was short but between Casa De CHICKEN and the bar I believe the hash found every major puddle, pothole and ice patch.
The hash was very happy that the run was about a mile because most were still hung over from the previous night. Even BONER who partied in Lisle claimed to be a little tired from Saturday’s fun. BONER even brought a virgin with him this day JUST LINDSEY welcome to the hash and please show up for the Green Dress run in St. Louis March 17. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the role of FRB for the better part of the trail while CNT & PASTIES took care of our virgin making sure she didn’t get lost on trail. FLYING HOOTERS and ITS TOO SOFT were found impersonating monkeys when they climbed fences to get themselves over Amazon River found in one of the alleys the trail went through. TWO TICKETS looked like a bunny running with her pink jacket on.

The Hash made it to the beer stop and watched the beginning of the OSU vs. Wisc. Basketball game but they were soon back out on trail and at the bar. The Circle was run by the CH3 RA CALVIN KLEIN who was found without BATTERIES claiming that she was wasted from the night before. The hare got down- downs for the crappy trail but really got nailed because he was smart enough to wear his boots on Trail; I guess this made the circle mad because my feet were dry. The circle ended in record time and MOUNT SCHWINGA was soon challenging some chicks on the dartboard. The hash broke for home around 6 pm where we watched the Oscars and all went to bed with a fine weekend of drinking behind us.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Ball & Hash Erections 2007

Hash Ball 2007

February 24, 2007

2007 Attendees: Lower Wack-off, Too Loose to Screw, Flying Hooters, Two-tickets to a pair a Thighs, Smell This, Hooked on Tonics, Milk my Yak, Barks on all Fours, Nuttin Bitch, CP, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Spotted Cock, Ballsalotapus, Chicken Stiffer, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Erect da Red, Mount me Puh-leeze, Coffee, Tea or Me, Just Lou, Mount Schwinga, Sugar Nipples, Lifa, Princess Labia, Magnetic Muff, Rear Loader, Mud Sucker, Pardon my Flaps, Its Too Soft, Cum in my Assfault, and Virtully Hung.

Well Hash Ball really began at 7:30 pm damn that GM for telling you all 7 pm but with the bad weather I’ll bet most of you were happy with the extra 1/2 hour warning. The Ball went very well and major thanks go out to Odor Eater for the entertainment and Rotten Whore for organizing the event. We had 33 brave Hashers make it out this blizzard of night to be present and accounted for the Chicago Hash Harriers award night and GM election. The hash enjoyed tasty food and plenty of beer someone made out like a bandit and took home a pan full of leftover chicken and pasta. I wish I had a car to drive it home!!!

The Awards were handed out and the winners were:

Best Trail of 2006 – Calvin and Batteries for their Yucca Dance in Lincoln Park.
Worst Trail of 2006 – Ez on the Ass for his trail crossing jailbreak hash.
Best On-In – The Memorial Day Hash at Virgin Bangers and Rent-a-Virgin, with Peterbilt, Smell this, and Calvin Klein.
Front Running Bastard – Happy Ass Grabber
Front Running Bimbo – Flying Hooters
Best Beer Stop – Rear Loader and Horn-E for their 8-beer stop Trail.
DFL – CP
Non-Running Wussy – Smell This
Hash Bimbo – Magnetic Muff and her naked hashes
Hash Wanker – Ez on the Ass for paying hash cash in Chinese money
Hash Shit – Mudsucker for gas beer at the Southside parade
Hash Couple – Mount Me Puh leeze and Coffee, Tea or Me
Bill January Award – Boner Malfunction

GOLD WHISTLE AWARD – Its too Soft for going above and beyond the call of hash Duty

And The NEW GM is the OLD GM– Chicken Stiffer

Hash Ball Wound down around Midnight and the hashers trekked through the blizzard of 2007 to get home or to the next bar. One side note was that LIFA missed his train downtown and had to stay at the GM’s house overnight, poor Lifa.

Chicken Stiffer

Hash Ball 2007

Chicago Hash Ball 2007

Saturday, February 24 2007 @ 7pm

La Villa – 3632 N. Pulaski Ave, Chicago

Here’s a picture from the 2006 Hash Ball @ Zephyr (which is now closed, though not the fault of the Hash).

This year the Chicago Hash Ball Returns to La Villa at Pulaski & Addison!

Stay tuned for further details however expect more of what makes this a great event:

Four hours of open bar

Lots of Drunk Hashers Dancing

and A Good Sit-Down Dinner

Dress to impress (or unimpress, after all this is the hash!).

Prices are $30 before January 31, $35 until 2/14, $40 before the event and $45 at the door if available. (we may have to limit this to the first 50 paid due to the size of the room!!)

Pay below now via Paypal or if you don’t have a computer you can send a check via snail mail using the registration form PDF to:

Tom Heldmann
644 w. Arlington place #2b
Chicago, IL 60614

Make payments with PayPal – it’s fast, free and secure!

Note for those using e-checks, payment receipt date is when the funds clear, not date of check. When the money changes hands, that’s when the deal is done. Please make note of this if you are paying close to a discount deadline as you will not receive the discount if the funds are not received by the deadline.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1478

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1478

2/18/07 CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH TRASH for #1478

Hares: BALLSALOTAPUS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, JUST DO ME SLOWLY and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT

Virgins: JUST FAITH, JUST NICK, JUST YOUNG HI, JUST ELKE, JUST LEVI

Visitors: Sin City Hash- THE UNALICKER, Y=PI, and FLUFFER

Madison Hash- RETURN TO GENDER and FROGGY STYLE

Locals: LIFA, IT’S TOO SOFT, CHICKEN STIFFER, VIRGIN BANGER, BLUE BALLS, MUDSUCKER, CHIP-N-DALE, SOUR BALLS, ORG-E, JUST TIM, ASSPOCKET, 69-CENT MAN, FLYING HOOTERS, JUST LOU, BACK DOOR BIZZLE, ERECT DA RED, JUST ANGELLE, HORN-E, JUST PATTY, RABBIT TURD, MONKEY TURD, MAGNETIC MUFF, BONER MALFUNCTION, GOOD SWALLOW, SMELL THIS, and PUSSY GALORE

The Chinese New Year Hash was a perfect example of what hares can do if they put their minds to it. The hares need to be commended for a hash well done and for over coming the main obstacle that Tito’s, the bar, had no kegs in it. The hash started early for many because we showed up at Noon and had a few beers before we went down to see the parade. The Unalicker, Y=PI, Froggy Style, Return to Gender, Chicken Stiffer, Its too Soft, Lifa, and Fluffer went down Wentworth and found a Sunny spot on the parade route to observe the festival. Most of us even got our own coolie hats that can be seen in numerous pictures taken by the resident photog Its too Soft. The visiting women whined that they were cold and hungry so we found some egg rolls to stuff down their throats but now they whined that they had no BEER! The parade lasted about 1/2 hour and we returned to Tito’s to meet the rest of the hash and have more nectar of the gods.

The crowd began to swell much like Froggy’s head would by the end of the night and we even got two visitors/virgins, Just Elke and Just Levi to join us from Milwaukee, thanks for stopping by. The bar was decorated in red lights and Chinese ornaments but most hashers liked the sight of the big fat beer Buddha ready to greet them at the end of the run. 2:30 pm came and Virtually Hung commenced a chalk talk. His words said, “DO NOT RANGE THIS TRAIL OR YOU WILL MISS THE BEER STOP!!” remember this for later. We went around the circle with our names and soon we were off. Lifa carrying the hash flag led the pack south and then west but Soar Balls and Chip-n-Dale followed him closely. They found the first check that had us chasing our pig tails we were wearing on our asses for the year of the pig. Org-e caught more of the trail going west and we were back on-on. Soar Balls and I ranged a little and we caught the next circle jerk but the pack didn’t follow us but followed
Org-e, Just Patty and several others. I soon was lost on trail with Y=PI but can you blame me?

The pack came together just over the expressway near 20th but was thrown off by our esteemed visitor, Sergeant of Arms, The Unalicker who called on-on after two marks? Didn’t we tell her three was on and its four at her hash after a check so why the call?? We found trail again after Just Tim and Asspocket went west and found the trail paralleled the railroad tracks and went to a raised bridge. Here the marks seemed wipeout by the foot traffic from the Parade. Virtually Hung actual was laying marks, as we went which is why you should not have ranged. Good Swallow found trail going east back towards China Town and the pack hit the BN mark. Ballsalotapus greeted us with Chinese beer and water out of the back of the Lincoln, but we seemed to be missing one hasher, Where was Horn-E?? We would soon find out that ranger went back to the bar. Smell This would soon regret his new FRB status being the first to taste the Chinese beer. The pack followed Wentworth back up through
China Town and ran right down the middle of the street and the people said, “There go the Chicago Hashers!!” Just Faith and Just Nick seemed to be enjoying the celebrity status our hash has in China town.

Back at Tito’s the food was served and soon everyone was stuffed with soup, beef, sausage, and bread. Where can you get this for only $6? Oh and Its Too soft also tapped the beer Buddha as well. We ran our circle and called our hares in giving them an earful of CH3 appreciation. We also called for Monkey Turd to enter the circle because she was our full-fledged Chinese representative. Smell This received the Dragon head award for being the FRB, which he did wear, and I believe lost at the bar, silly Smelly. The hash also welcomed Back Door Bizzle to the hash. He is a new resident but also a past GM from the Richmond Hash, so welcome. We also let our Visitors sing us a song of Jack the necrophilia. Thanks again guys for making the Trek to Chicago we will try to visit Cincinnati and Madison in the future. Boner seemed to be following the advice of a Pink Floyd song because he was comfortably numb. The Keg was finally finished at 7 pm and ten hashers went north to drink more with our visitors. Well for those of you that missed the Chinese New Year you will have another year to wait for it Feb. 7, 2008, The Year of the RAT.

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM