Author: Snatch Squatch

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 23 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

Hared by Virgin Banger and Corn Star from the Jefferson Inn. We had 20 hounds at the start, but Horn-E was still injured and just walked to the beer stop and back, following trail. That was about two miles. The rest of the pack, 19 hounds, took off following trail. What happened is hard to tell, but a short time after I got to the beer stop at the home of former hasher Blue Balls, we saw Licker Leash coming followed by the FBI Five Hole Failure. About ten of them made it in, but where were the rest. It was at least ten minutes before the rest of the pack arrived led, or led astray, by Or G. All made it except Just Ray who pulled a muscle running down some alley. Which muscle and how many times I don’t know and I won’t ask. But we didn’t loose any virgins this time and the one we lost last week, Just Mo, did return. She likes it more, now that she didn’t get lost.
Back at the bar, Fistful Of Pricks got the beer flowing and then took over as RA. This was the first time I saw her do this. Did she do a good job? Hell no. But then no one does their first time or two. But she did a credible job and we can look forward to her improving with practice. She did a good job of naming Just Sarah. Just Sarah is leaving us and we wanted to give her a going away name, especially since her destination, New York, isn’t known for giving names. So we worked her over with questions. Spit or swallow, favorite farm animal, she likes it on top. Most embarrassing sexual experience, etc. But something rang a bell with the masses about partners from other countries. Like four of them. And so her name forever more will be know as Foreign My Twat. I good one.
We also had the return of Necrophilia. Good. Now do it again. We had a virgin or two. Just Amanda, who didn’t seem to intimidated by our singing and Just Doug. Or was it Just Gordon. All right. One had hashed before and they came together. And after a few drinks I can’t keep anything straight. But I did keep Amanda straight. We also had a walk in new hasher to the area. Mr. After Midnight from the Ankara Hash in Turkey. Now all of you virgins and those that haven’t been here for some time, RETURN.
Who else ran. Goldilocks, Its Too Soft, Glory Hole, Bloody Thighs, Ernest Cumingway, Just Cindy, Man O’Whore, and Crop Duster. And who were the groupies. Wang Chunks, Ice Princess, Soul Taco, and Mudsucker

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 12 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

This was set by Soul Taco and Fistful Of Pricks out of Bob Inn. I first spotted this place over ten years ago and wanted to hare here with one of our ex GMs, B. O. B. But they didn’t have pitchers. Still don’t. But the ladies arranged a price of $2.50/16oz. About $10/normal pitcher. But it is what it is. I counted 18 hashers at the start, two hares and one injured hasher, Fall On My Wood, who walked off with Fistful Of Pricks to the beer stop. I followed the sweep hare, Soul Taco in an attempt to do part of the trail with my lame knee. So, there were 15 hounds. The purpose of this trail apparently was to run the local boulevards. And that is right where they headed. Straight to California and then straight south to Armitage, then straight west to Humboldt. I left Soul Taco to catch up to the pack in her sweeping and took a short cut over to Humboldt, just in time to see what I believe were some of the leaders of the pack across Humboldt heading north. I saw Greasy Spurn coming back from a Split and heading north to Palmer Square. Lifa was short cutting across the parkland. So I followed and got to the corner of Palmer Square and Kedzie with no one in sight, behind or in front. Problem with long straights on a trail, and this trail had them, is that the pack gets strung out with the FRBs getting way in front and the mid or back pack gets out of sight and they fall further behind having to solve the checks themselves instead of using Checks for points to catch up. But I was on trail. I crossed Kedzie Boulevard and saw the trail heading south west. being a lame walker and with a few hints from Soul Taco, I headed north. Smart move. within a block I saw Dark Side Of The Poon running by a Check and heading into the Kedzie Parkland and across the Boulevard and then north. He was followed by Greasy Spurn. At Fullerton, trail kept going north and I enjoyed walking the parkland as I noticed Lifa and Just Cindy heading north for two more blocks to a Check at Logan Square. I headed there and found the Check, but they were long gone. Knowing that the beer stop was straight east on Logan Boulevard, and with my leg getting sore, I headed straight east on the north side of Logan Boulevard. The FRBs were no where in sight and probably already at the beer stop, 3/4 of a mile straight ahead. After several blocks, Ass Capades and Slippery Box came along. I told them that I wasn’t on, but Ass Capades said he know of several hashers who lived that way and was short cutting and hoping to pick correctly. This is hashing? I walked on and a block later I found an arrow turning onto the path I was on. Back on trail I walked on. Eventually near California there was a loop a block north to Schubert and two blocks east and back to Logan Boulevard. While I walked alone, the rest of the pack came along and just kept heading straight to the beer stop. Aren’t these supposed to be a hidden spot? But we all had a beer and apparently Sin Calzones lived there. Everyone made it including the virgin, Just Jill. Wait, there was a second virgin, Just Mo. MIA. We found her back at the bar eating a Crispy Creme donut from across the street while she waited for the pack. At least she waited. Her sister from Calif. is a hasher so maybe she’ll give us another chance.
And the beer started to flow, PBR 16s. The circle was called by Lifa and we gathered around the pool table. We naturally got the hares for that S H I T T Y T R A I L. We were also introduced to out visitor from Columbus, Duck Duck Cock. Our FRB was Dark Side Of The Poon, but he skipped that last loop like he knew where he was going, and just beat out Greasy Spurn who actually ran trail. Horn-E got DFL, again for doing that last loop while all of the tail enders skipped ahead. Then we called out our two virgins, Just Jill and Just Mo. Welcome and please come back. Other hounds on trail included, Way To Much Jism, Soggy Deposits, Muffin The Mule, Salty Gash and Mouthful Of Meat. The non running wussies who only came for the beer included Wang Chunks, Glory Hole, EZ On The Ass and Its Too Soft.
Sin Calzones also joined us at the beer stop.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

This was the white Trash Hash set by Batteries Not Included and R-Tard-E out of Weeds. And we finally had a hash attendance worthy of summer in Chicago. I counted 26 hounds on trail. Myself (injured) and Calvin Klein accompanied Batteries Not Included to the beer stop. Can’t say much about the trail as we didn’t see much, but before we walked a half block towards the beer stop, Chicken Stiffer and Soggy Deposits were already short cutting and heading down an alley. We walked on and past at least one mark and as we approached Binney’s to get the beer, we saw Lifa and Chicken Stiffer, again off course and heading east. We got beer and waited until the pack arrived. And it was the last two short cutters we saw who eventually came in first. Do they ever stay on trail? Isn’t that the game. But soon the pack arrived and everyone had a beer and was sweaty and happy.
Back at Weeds were a bunch on non running bastards, Our GM Fistful Of Pricks again, and EZ On The Ass, Salty Gash, Its Too Soft, Sin Calzones, Super Stuffer, and Wang Chunks.
Calvin Klein ran the circle as RA in place of the missing RA. Hurry back. Many were called out and some ice was provided, but all of the Chicago Hashers wimped out and didn’t drop trou. We finally had to get Bubbles from Waukesha to show our hashers the proper way to sit on ice. But welcome to all the visitors and virgins. And Back Door Bizzle should have won an award for the most appropriately dressed. And who else was there and to there credit ran this hash, Flying Hooters, Just Stacey, Just Sean, Fall On My Wood, Soul Taco, Just Cindy, Glory Hole, Up Loader, Slippery Box, Back Door Bizzle, $10,000 Tiki Ho, Way to Much Jism, Crop Duster, Ice Capades, Ice Princess, Hoosier Daddy, Dark Side Of The Poon, Just Megan, Just Dennis, Just Sam, Just John and Dykeoutame from Arizona.