The Tale of the Trail
Mount Schwiiinga’s hash for Paws. 9/26/2011 by Horn-E
We eventually ran out of Shoes with a pack of 17 Trail Hounds. No, it wasn’t that long, well hardly, and our shoes didn’t wear out. We ran out of Shoe’s Pub. And by eventually, I mean we really started late, and for once I arrived first and early, way before 7. The Chalk Talk marks were on the ground. Knowing Mount Schwiiinga, with getting off of work late, she often has a hard time getting to the hash on time, or finishing laying trail on time. So, I assumed we were to just start at the normal time, assume the marks she placed were it, and get going. It was getting tiring and old sitting around in a bar with out drinking and Lower Wackoff, Manage A Twat and Horn-E finally took off walking. Shortly after, the rest of the pack came out and held a quick chalk talk and followed. And sure enough, Mount Schwiiiinga wasn’t returning to the bar. She was waiting at the beer stop as I thought.
Trail went west to Racine and south to Cortland for a Check. Menage A Twat went south. Horn-E went east and then returned to go north on Clybourn. He finally found a mark and Taste The Rainbow was right behind him. On one, two, three and we were off. At the next corner was a Triple Split. Horn-E got lucky and found this to the west. A block later there was a Split and Horn-E got lucky again heading north. A block later the pack was breathing down Horn-E’s neck and we turned west. Trail was soon found heading south and back to Cortland for another Split. This one had to go west, because Horn-E already scouted out the east after the first Check. Sure enough, we headed across the river and over to Ashland for a Check. We now scattered everywhere before the On call was heard heading north on Ashland. At Armitage was a Split, but it was soon found and we continued north to Webster for another Check. Change of direction? Hah. Straight north on the east side of the street and over the river again. This time we found a Triple Split at Clybourn, at the bottom of the hill. This scattered us a bit, but soon we heard an On call heading north on Clybourn. This had a bunch of hounds off and running and that old man Horn-E got to the red light a little late. Everyone was soon gone. We headed north on Clybourn to Wrightwood and a Split, followed by a Check. Just Chris was running all over the strip mall and finding nothing. Trail was found the opposite direction to the east on Wrightwood. This went to a BN. Forget that. You know what the definition of BN in Chicago is. Beer Not Near. About a mile and a half away. Trail went west to Paulina and then north for over a half mile and a BVN. Which again wasn’t meaning Beer Very Near. Finally we found a turn to the west and at the next corner was a BVVN or something. About two blocks later the leaders finally found beer in the Hare’s back yard. They included Bar Fly, Just Chris, Taste The Rainbow, Just Michael, Little Trojan Annie, Just Luke, W Jew 40, MisManners and Just Jeff. Finally Horn-E arrived. Then about fine minutes later, the back of the pack arrived including Lower Wackoff, SnatchSquatch, R-Tard-E, Hoosier Daddy, Fistful Of Pricks and the DFL, Just William who made the mistake of listening to SnatchSquatch. Menage A Twat fell so far behind, she finally quit around Clybourn and Fullerton. We then had to find trail of about two miles back. Most just ran/walked back hitting on bimbos. But four followed trail all of the way and then dared to brag about it in circle. Got them a down down. And many were given by our two RAs, SnatchSquatch and his little brother, R-Tard-E. Mount Schwiiinga tended bar and had to frequently be called out from behind the bar to do her many down downs. Then we got around to naming Just Jeff. A real good question and answer session as he kept giving us so many good stories. We finally had to eliminate about 14 names and come to a final name. Damn, my favorite Crapper Napper barely got eliminated and he shall forever more be known as String Theory. I’m not getting into why, but think bloody dental floss. The beer flowed through several passings of the hat and I finally left about 1AM.
We also had three House Puppies, Hustle N Flow, Ass 2 Mouth, Wang Chunks.
The Tale of the Trail