Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1605

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1605

Chicago Hash #1605 6.22.09
33 hashers in attendance

The 31st Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago rolls on with its sixth of nine consecutive days of hashing, this time with the Chicago H3 returning to O’Lanagan’s in Lincoln Square. Even more exciting is the fact that this particular run represents the birthday hash for our very own Fistful of Pricks – never mind the fact that Fistful of Pricks’ birthday was actually the day before, a day she spent in a car riding back from visiting Sin City, but that’s neither here nor there. Apparently Fistful of Pricks’ presence in Sin City was enough to convince Lexington hasher Crotch Thumper to drive up and spend several days with us here in the Windy City – hopefully we’ll see some more of her this weekend, as she’s in town this week before heading to the Michigan Interhash.

The pack knew the moment that Fistful of Pricks came back from laying trail that this would be an especially shitty trail, since she had left with a full tub of colors chalk and returned with only a few pieces of it missing. Great. Despite the fact that Fistful of Pricks had so much chalk, only one piece was handed out to the pack in order to sweep trail, so not only would the trail be shitty, it would also follow in the great Chicago tradition of not being swept either. Brilliant. Following the short and sweet chalk talk, trail quickly went south from the bar before hitting the first check after only a few blocks – thanks to Fistful of Pricks actually hiding marks and ducking around corners, the first check actually took the front running bastards like Bloody Asshole more than ten seconds to solve. The pack ducked down several alleyways and made their way towards Lincoln when several late arrivals made their presence known by passing the rest of the pack – despite the fact that Front Running Blonde and Glory hOle were carrying their shag along with them on trail thanks to their not being familiar with the fact that CH3 leaves at 7:30 each and every week in the summer.

Eventually the pack found the second check, and just like the first check it was actually designed to keep the pack together and not because the hare was bored and realized they hadn’t laid a check in a while – unfortunately most of the pack was left standing at the check with the recently returned Super Stuff’her, who couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was that his pimp Just I Lean was finally going to be returning from Spain. Yeah, telling everyone about how you’re going to be camping out at Just I Lean’s mom’s house waiting for him to get home is a nice way to sound super creepy, Stuff’her. Eventually true trial was found heading in a general south and east direction and the pack was once again off. Eventually I found myself once again at the back of the pack along with Crotch Thumper and R Tard E (who was only slightly less excited about Just I Lean’s return than Super Stuff’her). Thanks to Snatchsquatch keeping his eyes open, this mini-pack of DFLs was able to notice when Salty Gash suddenly veered off trail to the north – strange, her boy toy Shiggy Packing Half-Fag Screwnicorn Dolphin lives in the neighborhood and wasn’t at chalk talk – I SMELL A SHORTCUTTING BASTARD! Sure enough, after a few short blocks, trail was once again found and the DFLs had caught up to the trio of Hoosier Daddy, More Tail, and Asscapades. The trail eventually made its way back west to Damen and north towards Lawrence, before ducking into the alleyway near the home of Hasher of a Thousand Names. Thanks to the suddenly warm weather (summer, in June? who knew?), several harriettes even decided to give the older hashers a trill by stripping down to their sports bars – Horn E would like to thank Just Kelly and Slippery Box for giving him the closest thing he’s had to an erection in years!

After the beer stop the pack slowly made their way back to the bar and was greeted by Its Too Soft and Just Steve, who apparently couldn’t be troubled to run trail on this find evening. Circle was called quickly called by the duo of Chicken Stiff’her and Snatchsquatch and copious amounts of alcohol were consumed (except by Horn E, who quickly ducked out of the bar, continuing his hundred-year old boycott of O’Lanagan’s) – despite her late arrival and added weight of her bag, Front Running Blond managed to live up to her name and won the hash (the gazelle that is Free VD had better watch out, as it appears that he now has some competition for the biggest racist of the hash). After hearing some grumbling about the naming of sucK a nana last week, all of the unnamed hashers were pulled into the circle, with the promise that one of them was going to be named this evening – after a few rounds of eliminating hashers, the circle called out that it was officially time to name Just Shaina, and so the RAs were forced to comply (as if that wasn’t Snatchsquatch’s plan in the first place). Since Just Shaina was not very cooperative in offering up information about herself, the circle had very little to go on, but eventually the name Soul Taco was suggested and it quickly won approval from the crowd. Circle was then closed and Glory hOle decided to yell out that the RAs had missed his new shoes, so circle was immediately re-convened, Glory hOle’s shoe was forcibly removed, but instead of drinking his beer from his shoe Glory hOle instead decided to pour it out over his head – twice. EZ On The Hash would be proud.


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