Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1522

Hash Trash: 12/14-15/07 ANTHRAX HASH
Hares: Calvin Klein, Super Stuffer, Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Hidden Shamrock —-> Zoo ——> Redmond’s

HASHERS It’s too Soft – Chicago H3 Hazmat HARE!
Chicken Stiffer – Chicago H3 HARE & GM!
Calvin Klein – Chicago H3 HARE
Super Stuffer – Chicago H3 HARE
Are They Real – Chicago H3
Just Alex – Chicago H3
Salty Gash – Chicago H3
PackHer Ass – Chicago H3
69-cent man – Chicago H3
Milk My Yak – Chicago H3
Barks On All Fours – Chicago H3
Ballsalotpus – Chicago H3
Just Angelle – Chicago H3
Just Steve – Chicago H3
Just Saud – Chicago H3
Spotted Cock – Chicago H3
Lifa – Chicago H3
Mouthful of meat – Chicago H3
Batteries Not Included – Chicago H3
Just Esther – Chicago H3
W’all Bangher – Chicago H3
Anal Assault – Chicago H3
Mt Schwiiinga – Chicago H3
Just Molly – Chicago H3
Just Jonathan – Chicago H3
Anal Assualt – Chicago H3
Stab’em * Slab’em – Chicago H3
The Grrreat Loch Ness Cockster – Chicago H3
Just Allison – Chicago H3
Just Rob – Chicago H3
2 Tickets 2 a Pair o Thighs – Chicago H3
Just Tyrone – Chicago H3
Sperm Diversion – CH3
Odor Eater – Chicago H3
Rotn’ Whore – Chicago H3
Just Pat – Chicago H3
Just Tom – Chicago H3 Just Katherine – Chicago H3
Flying Hooters – Chicago H3
Virtually Hung – Chicago H3
C*nt & Pasties – Chicago H3
One-Handed Typist – Chicago H3
Magnetic Muff – Chicago H3 Mudsucker – Chicago H3
Just Jenny – Chicago H3
Just Allyson – Chicago H3
Just Darin – Chicago H3
Just Robyn – Chicago H3 Ram Van Thank You M’am – Thirstday H3
Just Caroline – Thirstday H3
Chicago H3 Alumni-
Canned Pussy – Somewhere in DC
Smell This – New York H3Rhotan – Second City HHH

Grass On the Infield – Waukesha H3
Floundering Ass Plant – Waukesha H3
Grizzly Sodoms – Waukesha H3
Hand Solo – Waukesha H3
Just Kristen – Waukesha H3
Copulator!! – Waukesha H3
Creamin’ & Screamin – Waukesha H3

Mount Van Tramp
Dribbles In- Madison H3
Trailer Trash
Return to Gender – Madison H3
ZamBoner – Madison H3
Different Strokes- Madison H3
Himalayme – Madison H3
Eggbeater – Madison H3 Scratch & Sniff – Kenosha
Stupid Man – Kenosha Oral Persuasion – Indyscent HHH Ash Cache B’gash – Hoosier H3
Vazeliney Greazy Beaver – Hoosier H3 Cliff BangHer – Big Hump
Burning A$$hole – Big Hump
Hummers Para Libre – Big Hump
Dos HiXXies – Big-Hump H3
Flossit w/a Faucet – Big Hump!
Sexorcist – Big-Hump H3
Do My Butt!! – Big-Hump, I Have a Dick – Big-Hump H3
GladHeAteHer – Big Hump H3 Lock Nut Monster – Big Hump H3
Strap-On Strap-Off – Big Hump
Dead Squirrel – Big Hump
PMS – Big Hump
Postage Tramp – Big Hump Horny Again – Sin City H4
The Unalicker – Sin City H4
Fluffer – Sin City H4 Pornogenic – Bell Scott
2 F*ck Canuck – Bell Scott Laa-Laa – Carolina Trash H3 / Big Hump H3
Rambutt – Every Day is Wednesday
Slowman – Baltimore
Roll On – Baltimore
Amelia Airhead – BH3
A Salt My A$$ – EWH4 DC
Hot Lips – Grand Rapids GM
Sour Balls- Second city,
Sex Luthor CH3,
Man O Whore CH3,
Happy Ass Grabber,
Breakfast, Last Hole,
Just Pamela,
Just Robyn,
Just Steven,
Just Pamela,
Just Caroline,
Last Hole,
and a few unnamed hashers


Well it’s been about a week and I have finally begun to recover from last weekend. First I would like to say thank you to all of you who showed up. You are part of the largest hash Chicago has seen to date with 114 hashers being part of this 6th annual Anthrax. We thank all the hashers in Chicago who showed up to put forth such a great event. We also thank all of the visitors who made it here and hope you had a blast. Personally I would like to thank Its Too Soft, Calvin, Batteries, Super Stuffer, Mouthful of Meat, and T-shirt woman Mount Schwiiinga who played key parts in making this weekend a fun successful time.

The weekend started off with a bang Friday night with the Pub Crawl. People couldn’t believe that in Chicago you can get free beer? The Big-Humpers showed up with their traditional Chicago slam T-shirt made by DMB. CLIFF BANGHER was soon out of the shirts and people like HORNY AGAIN were begging for SEXORCIST, I HAVE A DICK and HUMMERS PAR LIBRES t-shirts right off their backs. The night stared off well with us meeting up with the group of Victoria Secret models that we got to come out on the pub-crawl. We left the first bar fully tanked with free beer. We crawled with ITS TOO SOFT and others around the Lincoln Park neighborhood. We even meet up with SMELL THIS later that night but not before MILK MY YAK and I had to carry home SO SO a Big hump hasher that could not handle her liquor and wound up face down in the bar at the end of the night. We went back to the bottle bar and finished our evening there.

The Next day we say Mother Nature lay down a perfect snowfall. The trail was soon covered in fresh snow so SUPER STUFFER went back out and re-laid trail what a trooper. The pack was fully beered up at the traditional start of the Anthrax hash at the HIDDEN SHAMROCK. The pack took off from the school around the corner where we had circle in peace and quit. The pack was soon off but detoured to FUJI’s old place where RHOTAN and SEX LUTHOR put out and extra beer stop with some others? The pack was soon off again and began to arrive at the LINCOLN PARK ZOO. Here MOUTHFUL of MEATS and STUFFERS Jell-O shots were well received. We even ran into a wedding party of all things taking pictures at the zoo?? We sang them numerous hash songs and gave them plenty of shots. I would imagine it was a very memorable moment for the new couple.

The pack wound its way north and made it to the house of FUJI where we had hot chocolate and cold beer. We soon made our way to Redmond’s bar and Calvin Started the circle. We brought numerous people out for violations and the Megaphone again worked well. I along with I LEAN, LIFA, and JOHANTHAN got the food from THAI CLASSIC. Thanks for all of the compliments about the food it seemed everyone was happy with our choice and we had tons of leftovers. The rest of the evening people had a great time and all you need to do is look at the pictures to see why and how!!


HOLY COW!!! We’re still working on the final headcount but this one might have crossed 110+ hashers at Redmond’s easily over that counting the Thirstday and Second City folks that either hijacked or skipped trail plus the scores of visitors this a contender for Chicago’s largest event ever. Above is pic of the beer check in Lincoln Park and the fire pit at the Party Central Skydeck. More of the almost 200 pictures from 6th Antrhax will be up soon and Hangover Hash too. Prelube pix are already up (see nav bar to the right).



From Do My Butt:
I’ll be as brief as possible, and if y’all had a different perspective or I forget something, add it on!

Please take a look at my drawrings to help illustrate the event:


So we’re on the way to Union Station in Chicago to come home, plenty of time, no rushing, so the boys stop to pick up some libations to hold the gang over while we wait and for the ride. After a Sunday circle of excessive “DO MY BUTT! IN THE CIRCLE!’s,” I decided I need not have any more to drink – I just wanted to take a nap, along with a few other Big-Humpers.

The air was cold, the ground was slushy, and the bus was an hour late. This made for 70 cold, wet, tired, and impatient innocent passengers. And amongst the confusion, the Big-Humpers managed to score 12 seats all together at the back of the top-deck of the bus.

And commenced drinking.

Our driver, who sounded suspiciously like Barry White, was also an hour behind his schedule and not in the mood for chit-chat. He made a very clear announcement that if you were caught drinking, smoking, using profane language or gambling, you’d become a “guest of the interstate.” To which the Humpers cracked up and mocked accordingly.

Flossit and Puss N Boobs led the charge by only using hash names, which is enough to qualify as “profane” in itself. And I think they were worried that the people in the front wouldn’t get to hear all the details of their weekend with Stupid Man and Scratch N Sniff, so
they made sure to project their voices. And for the record, I now know who has big pee-pees, and small pee-pees, and so do the rest of the travelers that day.

Puss couldn’t remember the song that made her bum and titties all red, but lucky for them, our fearless song miesteress was right behind them to help out. A rousing round of Bum Titty was sung, and when that wasn’t enough, “Jack the Necrophilliac” was sung loudly with many verses, each more hash-like than the last. And if there was ever a lull in the singing and conversation, Postage was right there to tell everybody that THAT was what SHE said.

At this point, I noticed that Flossit and I were both wearing our bright red event shirts from Chicago. I realized I hadn’t been associated with the group yet, so I quickly turned my shirt inside out.

Hummers and I pretend like we were sleeping when we heard Postage yelling, “Hey! Do My Butt! What’s going on up there? What’s the Mexican doing?”

At this point a nice, tired, reasonable passenger politely asks the offenders to maybe stop the yelling . . . to which most of the pack is grateful, hoping that maybe they’ll listen to the stranger, since our own pleas and text messages were going ignored.

Needless to say, the passenger’s plea went unrecognized.

The small gang is getting louder, and the rest of the bus is getting mad. I start to notice people looking back and making note of the worst offenders. I realize that Flossit has brown hair and a red shirt. I have brown hair and a red shirt. Time to lose the shirt
altogether, so I don’t get mistaken . . . I now have a grey shirt on and a ponytail.

Cliff realizes that things are getting nutty, and starts throwing out the idea that maybe the Big-Hump should have a “sleeping contest!” BWAHAHHAHA!!! They didn’t even hear you.

So we get to the Stucky’s, and Hummers and I are wondering if cops are on their way, or if they’ll call them from the lot, or if they’ll just get kicked off, and does anyone know we’re with them, and do they have bail money, and who would be around to come get them.

. . and just then Cliff walks past me with a jingling trash bag FULL TO THE BRIM with empty cans, bottles, and beer cases, and it’s all poorly being “hidden” with his jacket.

Everyone got off the bus, except Hummers, I Have a Dick, and myself. We seriously worried that if we got off, we’d not be allowed back on. We didn’t need Chicken Nuggets that bad.

So Flossit pukes, Puss is back in her seat, PMS and Postage got some snacks to soak up the booze and it actually seems like the pack is winding down. Enter Barry White on the speaker. He’s been informed. The offenders need to step forward. They don’t, so we all got to hear the call to the 5-0. One cop car shows up, the bus gets excited. Two cars show up, Hummers and I are praying a rosary.

Barry White and Officer Friendly come upstairs. The Big-Hump has been silenced. I thought my laughing would give us away, so I bit my tongue. When no one stepped forward, about 49 people volunteered to point out the rule-breakers.

Flossit was fine de-boarding since she wanted to smoke, Puss followed wondering what in the world she did to deserve this, PMS put on her giant homeless coat and fluffed her hair, and Postage was like, “Is that what she said? I don’t get it.”

At this point, the entire bus has craniums in the windows. Play-by-plays are flying. Postage won’t be quiet. PMS doesn’t know how these authorities can live with themselves. Flossit is smoking and Puss is standing there looking cute.

Things start looking confusing so Cliff jumps in to save the day. Next thing we know, Postage is getting twirled around and cuffed and tossed in the cop’s car. PMS goes nuts, Cliff runs to catch her, she’s flicking off the cop (twice) and in the meantime, Flossit is standing alone, swaying, trying to light a cigarette in the wind.

At this point, I’m thinking that PMS really likes to EARN the hashshit.

Things are not settling down, and Cliff needs sober back-up. Enter Hummers. As the pinch-hash-harlot, she goes to offer her services. About 6 minutes later, Postage is freed, the driver is back on board and people are calming down. Flossit got her cig lit.
Cliff stays with them, and comes up with the winning plan to get his brother to pick them all up. Only after many calls to many hashers and deciding who would have been the best choice for a ride.

The bus took off, they hung out at McDonalds, no one was arrested, and everyone is home safe.

The ride back home was boring as hell, and we had to try to explain hashing to the people sitting closest to us. One girl was like, “This is awesome! I’m finally going to have a great story to tell at work!” and I replied, “Not as good as the story THEY have!”

I was almost sad to be one of the lame-o’s riding the quiet bus back home. ALMOST.

I’m sure I forgot something, and I probably didn’t quite capture the hilarity of the situation, but I’m pretty sure there are down-downs in their futures.

Respectfully Submitted,

Do My Butt