Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1747

he Tale of the Trail,
Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein, Oct 2, 2011
…..The hash was scheduled for 2PM, start at 2:30. And there we sat until after 3PM and at least 3:15 before we got started. When I arrived, most were drinking beer and socializing, like hashers come for, around a table. A few were standing and a couple of hot babes, Drill In My Box and Just Do Me Slowly were perched on stools, waiting for some young hunk to approach. They got stuck with Horn-E. But really, we came to run. And damn if the hares didn’t finally make us run. Not the usual 4 miles, but well over 6, I’m sure. We had 18 hounds at the start for this A to B trail. Yeah, like we’d see then on trail. As best as I could figure, we lost Mudsucker, SnatchSquatch, Are They Real, Just William and W Jew 40 very early. They took wrong turns and found the trail On In and just quit and settled into beer on a beautiful day. That left 13 of us running this shitty trail. All right, not that shitty, but some long straights in it.
…..Starting slow, I followed the pack to the north and west. Finally we hit a Check at 33rd. Dr Fudge Packer was seen to the far north and On so Horn-E followed and with a toot of the horn, the pack followed. After a little loop in an alley we came to a Split. Couldn’t find it at first and Chicken Stifer was soon on it, but didn’t blow his whistle. Then Lifa found it and we were off, further north. We followed Chicken Stifer under a trestle and further north to another Split, Trail went back under the tracks and further south. But Horn-E and Dr. Fudge Knuckle paralleled and they were soon on again as the trail looped back at them on 26th. Dr. Fudge Knuckle picked a wrong way on a Split allowing Horn-E to lead us to a Check at Wentworth. He kept going east and was way off course when trail was found to the north. Over the highway was a Split and Horn-E was now so far behind, no one was in sight. They headed west and then north about two blocks away. Meanwhile Horn-E was paralleling the back of the pack as he headed through Chinatown. At 22nd the pack still hadn’t come back towards Wentworth so Horn-E was about to head west when he saw O’Shitty Runch working a Check. He followed just in time to see Ice Princess yelling On to the north and going behind the China Town Mall. As we headed east, our virgin, Just Alex took the lead and took us over to Wentwroth and a Split. Hey, well done. Trail now had to go back south, right? Wrong. We headed further north to 18th and then east. At Dearborn St. was a Check. Horn-E went south and found nothing. Trail went east, but looping over, he met Dr Fudge Knuckle on Indiana at a Split. Horn-E went south and was On this time leading to a Triple Split at 22nd St. Horn-E went south and Dr Fudge Knuckle and Chicken Stifer split the other two. Trail went east and Horn-E went just far enough, across 23rd, to see the trail return to him. Again leading he headed south past another Triple Split and a block later he had nothing. Looking back he saw Virtually Hung who seemed to point west and so he went west. Bye sucker. Nothing and no one on State or in this park. Crossing the expressway he still saw no one and didn’t know where to range over to pick up the trail. Probably, was, east. Anyhow Horn-E kept heading south on a parallel course all the way to 33rd before seeing marks. Heading backwards on trail looking for anyone or a missed beer stop, he finally saw Lifa. So he turned and headed on in as Lifa passed him and left him behind. This was a long straight until the little park just before the starting bar. Trail looped the park and in the southeast corner he saw Lifa running on in and a pack of those that missed trail. A few minutes later the pack started to wander on in. The Dark Kunt, Dr. Fudge Knuckle, Just Kristian, Chicken Stifer and Virtually Hung. But where were the rest. Oooops. We were missing Ice Princess, Drill In My Box, O’Shitty Runch, Just Do Me Slowly, Its Too Soft, Just Luke and our virgin Just Alex. It seems that they met a bunch of people coming back from some football game and were offered a beer. Hashers don’t refuse beer.
…..So the pack was finally complete. Calvin Klein led a circle and right after Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein left and left us with the rest of the beer. And the pack stood in the fading sun and warmth and finished the beer. 10 Dix With Wings and Fistful Of Pricks made an appearance after the hash as our only two House Puppies.
On On