Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1726

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago 20 Jun 2011, by Horn-E
We hashed out of Moe’s and we had two hares, 69 Cent Man and Menage A Twat. What could go wrong. We had I believe 30 Trail Hounds for this fast paced run. Normally a twisting, turning 69 Cent Man would lead to many opportunities to catch up to the trail but this pack was really moving. We headed south and then around in the alley and back north on Central Park. The leaders were running through a big empty lot and to a Check on Milwaukee. I saw some hounds heading south and through another empty lot and soon there was an On call. We followed and did a quick loop that put me almost DFL. But the next loop had me in front for about ten feet heading down an alley to the west. From here on, the pack quickly left me behind as almost everyone but the walkers passed me by as we ended up on Diversey heading east. The 69 Cent Man tried to tell me to go east on the north side of the street, but I run to the sight of the lead hounds and they were a block away and heading south. After waiting for traffic lights at Milwaukee, the pack was now out of sight so I headed south on Milwaukee to intercept. I saw the last hasher, name unknown, following in an alley. Then he backed out and said they went west. So we headed west and back across Milwaukee. He headed north in an alley and that was way off. I headed southwest and then south for a long block and then back east finally finding a trail. Okay. No ground really lost. This led to a unmarked Check at Logan Square. Where’s the sweep? I was On right away and again found myself running south on Milwaukee. Trail went through a large parking lot and a bunch of locals said they went that a way and very fast. Well, I’m old and not. This eventually led me over to Fullerton and another unmarked Check. I got sort of lucky, but missed a turn and finally got back on trail west on Fullerton. Again. I came to another unmarked Check. finally I saw Tell It To My Nipples and two virgins. They were returning from the west and found no marks. So we went north and at the alley was a Triple Split. And so I ran a lot finding nothing and returned and those three were gone. This time I headed south and found marks. And at the third mark, someone had marked it as a true trail. I know it is the true trail. It is the third mark. We need these marks at the Check. But I digress. Running on I finally found some marked Splits and finally a Beer Near. This led down an alley and through a parking lot to an arrow pointing across the street. There was the 69 Cent Man waving me into an empty lot. Now, this was the beer stop, but no one was there. Couldn’t be. I’m way behind. But I thought it was just something to run through and going around looked easier. Here I encountered Ass Capades coming my way. He said they ran on to the On In and no beer stop, so they were back tracking. We returned to that empty lot and that was indeed the beer stop. The hare just wasn’t there when the pack ran by. I did say, “What could go wrong.” Now we know. About a dozen hounds eventually made it back there. So, after a beer we walked up Central Park and the 69 Cent Man drove back to the bar and got most of the pack to go to an impromptu beer stop in that first empty lot we ran through.
From here we walked back to the bar and finally got the circle going and the beer flowing. SnatchSquatch led the circle and besides the hares getting many, Pool Job got a bunch for countless accusations. The visitor was called out, Ass Ripper from Ann arbor. And a bunch of virgins were called out. I hope I got this right. First was Just Marsha, the mom of Two Girls And One Cupcake who managed to walk some of the course. Thanks for showing. Others included, Just Rob, Just Austin, Just Will, Just William and Just Maureen. Welcome to all and come back. We then drank on with all leaving before midnight.
Who else was on trail. To the best of my knowledge, we had The Dark Kunt, Or G, Crop Duster, Two Girls One Cupcake, Tampon Tampoff, Just Nancy, Darkside Of The Poon, Taste The Rainbow, R-Tard-E, Licker Leash, O’Shitty Runch, Back Door County, Sandy Syphilis, Just Dusty, Just Rob, Just Kelly, Just Miguel and Just Paul. We also had four house puppies, Wang Chunks, Way To Much Jism, EZ On The Ass and Its Too Soft.
On On