The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 29 May, 2011, by Horn-E
Well, it was big. It was the annual Virgin Banger, Rent A Virgin Memorial Day Hash. And as usual, they did a good job of putting it together. They had co-hares in Smell This, Calvin Klein and Lifa. They had 73 hounds signed up in advance. There were many last minute attendees and several didn’t show, probably because of the rain. Probably about 80 hounds, most ready to run. But shit happened. Rain. A downpour right about 1PM, the announced start time. Oh, hell. I got there just before the start and barely got ready in running gear in time to stow my bag in the shag wagon.
It was still raining. We formed a circle and the usual marks were shown, especially for the visitors and virgins. It was still raining. Suddenly, Calvin Klein took off yelling follow me and throwing flour. Well, he doesn’t really run anymore and was passed before the corner. They should have given a bag of flour to Lifa and a ten minute head start. At least we would have had a trail. Instead we ended up following Smell This over to Hamilton and north to Winnemac Stadium. It was still raining. Without a trail, it isn’t a hash, just a run in the rain. But we did manage to get into Winnemac Stadium and Smell This led us around the track. Hashers were already trying out Slip N Slide. At the far end, Smell This halted the pack and started Slip N Slide. Many tried and some actually did a good job. Finally a mark was set as the farthest slide. Glory Hole passed it. Then our GM, SnatchSquatch took a turn. He hit that puddle like a battleship and just kept going from massive momentum. Or was it his massive reach as he set a new standard. Hoosier Daddy tried and set a record for futility, but he got wet. We were all wet. Wizard Sleeves also tried, but like all the bimbos, their tits slowed them down like a massive anchor. Nice anchors however. Finally it ended and we were off following Smell This again like the Pied Piper.
It was still raining. Next destination was the garage behind the home of Virgin Banger and Rent A Virgin. Eighty hashers jammed in and there was a keg. Good. It was still raining. And there we were stuck until almost 5PM. The On IN wasn’t open until then. And it finally stopped raining. The second keg was dragged out of the shag wagon. This was to be used at the second Beer Stop, but since we weren’t running anymore, and their was no trail, we brought it into the garage and bellies and bladders were soon filled to overflowing. And Tippy Cup was going strong.
Finally we headed over to the Dank House. Before we even changed clothes, a circle started on the roof. This went On and On. Finally I went inside and found food was already being served. Good meat on buns, macaroni, and cold slaw. After eating I went back for seconds. Meat was gone again. But the macaroni was good and so was the cake.
Then a circle started again on the roof. This time we managed to call out Just Reed for a naming. Something about intestinal issues in Italy, or was it Papa Luigi’s. Shitaly was suggested, but he ended up being called The Shitallion Stallion. Good name.
Several of us wandered into the entrance way to the hall and started singing when suddenly we were being thrown out. Time was up just as we were really starting to have some fun on our own. All to soon.
On On
Horn-E
