Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1594

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1594

April 12, 2009

Chicago Hash #1594

HARES: Virtually Hung and Cum in My Assfault


VISITORS: Woolly- DC Hash

HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Poultry F*cker, Just Genesis, R-Tard-E, Bloody Thighs, Magnetic Muff, Super Stuf’her, Snatchsquatch, It’s too Soft, Mouthful of Meat, Horn-e, Asscapades, Porcelain God, Wrapper Snatcher, Bang Me Blow Me Get me Off, Ice Princess, Motor Whor-a, Lifa, Cuma Slutra, Erin Go Buff, Hoosier Daddy, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Glory Hole


VIRTUALLY HUNG must have been a good egg this year because the Easter Bunny didn’t hide eggs on him this year instead the great Hash bunny in the sky left him a keg of 312 in the backyard so he called a few friends together for a hash today. His partner in crime today was CUM IN MY ASSFAULT who purchased large amounts of food and ham for the traditional Easter hash at casa de Virtual. The Chicago Hash welcomed Woolly to the hash and he was happy to see the feast that he would get after the hash and CALVIN circle were over. VIRTUAL lead us in a chalk talk that was interrupted a few times by alley drivers but soon we were off running East towards the lake, our leader being JUST GENESIS. The first part of the trail saw a huge circle jerk that LIFA, CHICKEN and SUPER STUF’HER navigated to the nearby schoolyard. The trail from here ran South and East with CUMA SLUTRA, ERIN GO BUFF and LIFA playing he part of FRB’s meanwhile the back of the pack say WOOLLY and POULTRY, recovering from and injury, walking the trail. We meandered here and there until we crossed over Montrose near the lake. ASSCAPADES almost became road pizza when he challenged a tubular chariot to a game of chicken. CHICKEN found trail out of the park and he had BANG ME with him as co-FRB!!! We ran west until we hit Broadway and here the pack ran into a proverbial hash brick wall. There were false trails going west, north, and thru alleys, but we never checked around the corner which was the true trail.

The pack here lost HORN-E who went west and was really far from true trail. POULTRY and WOOLLY who walked the trail actually got to the beer stop before him this hash making him the DFL. The trail from here did go back east to the beer stop in the lakefront park that was manned by MOTOR WHOR-A and ASSFAULT with the hash flag in full flutter. SUPER STUF’HER and R-TARD-E and MAGNETIC MUFF for some reason still couldn’t find the beer stop with all of these landmarks available? The lakefront was still a bit chilly so the stop was quick and then we ran-walked back to the house. ITS TOO SOFT decided to take the CTA back to the house and even spilled out his beer in order to do it. What a major violation of hash tradition!!! Back at the house food brought by PORCELAIN GOD, WRAPPER SNATCHER, SALTY, and others was being warmed or cooked for the hungry hashers while CALVIN got the circle going in the traditional basement setting. We were even visited by Austin Powers another CO-HARE who said the trail was, “VERY SHAGADELIC!” When HORN-E asked him for his e-mail he said, “THAT’S NOT MY BAG BABY!” After the circle the hash retired to the upstairs for food but CHICKEN and SUPER STUF’HER had to run out and get another keg for the thirsty hashers.

The food was great and all hashers were now feed and watered for a whole $8 today!! Many began to play flippy cup with the new keg around and others waited for the start of the Brewers-Cub game!! Its good to see that the hash now has CUBS, SOX, and BREWERS fans in the house ready to watch a game after the circle is done. CUBS won by the way!! AND go BLACKHAWKS, first playoff game is Thursday followed by games on Saturday and Monday!! See you next week at Double Bubble for Sundays HASH!!



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