Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1500

Minneapolis kennel was represented by Pooper Scooper and Mr/Mrs Ed down at Chi-town’s big hash-aversary this past weekend . A great time had by all. It was said that a pre-lube trail was held on Thursday but Pooper went to a concert (till driven out) and we were still in the Twin Cities. Friday saw a fabulous Pub Crawl through 10 bars and they were nice ones too. Each one had special rates – we got bands for a $5 donation the Police Fund. Over 50 of us, from over a dozen kennels across the US, bounced every half hour across Lincoln Park doing “locals” as well as top-of-the-line Yuppie establishments.

Saturday was the main event. We gathered at the friendly beer-garden adjoining Weed’s Bar around 2pm. Event tags, very nice souvenir tees, and Gimme Back Sacks were passed out per registration along with a “If you become lost, use this `Return Me To…’ CH3 business card.” Around 3 we loaded the school busses and were soon 5 miles away at
Buckingham Fountain in downtown. After Photos with the 100+ of us, it was chalk talk, intros, and we were off. We passed most of the major landmarks from there north including: Grant Park & Millennium Park, the elevateds & the subways, several museums & theaters, Daley Center & etc. A very well marked trail with many splits, multiples, and dead ends finally lead everyone to It’s Too Soft’s squad car (flashers blazing) with two kegs in the back. Tucked away in a garage on the edge of town, we just enjoyed beer and each other for 45 minutes in the 70 degree sun.

Then the trail broke into Eagle (don’t ask me) and Turkey which zig zagged to Beer Stop #2 (common to both trails) along the Chicago River. There was a minor trail problem but the Chicago folk/sweeps got everyone there – including Lazy Ass (in his wheelchair). From there it was but one mile to Point A, so most hounds shortcutted the pavement directly in. Beer (all I saw was Miller Lite) was flowing well and everyone seemed to be getting lubed.

Circle was very well orchestrated by Religious Advisor, Calvin Klein, utilizing their portable mike/megaphone. He and Virtually Hung were “rewarded” for setting such sh*tty trails. Grand Master, Chicken Stiffer, and It’s Too Soft were also “recognized” in circle as were the many committee members involved in this weekend’s adventure – Mouthfull Of Meat (MOM), Rotten Whore, etc. Again the officer robes came out and added a little (OK just a little) dignity to the ceremonies. A very nicely paced circle ensued. The trick seemed to keep things moving (minimalize sideline comments) but not to race through things to the next “recognition.” In talking with Postage Tramp (GM Big Hump, St Louis) it seems critical to know a ton of 60 second songs – no “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall….” and only one “This is Your Down Down Song…” The “Arm-chug contraption” made an appearance and was promptly locked up again. I believe all guests were recognized with their kennel as each one was called into the circle and asked to lead a song—we did “Meet the Hashers…” Then we had a few special acknowledgements, one “When one R/A drinks….”, and a few selectd infractions from the masses.

After about an hour, the food materialized and then quickly disappeared by starving hounds. And great food it was – Kentucky Fried Chicken, plus three or four sides. Visiting, drinking, and burping then became the modus operendi. We visited with many old friends and made many new ones. We heard that the party moved to Fugi’s Rooftop till the wee hours of the morning. I don’t believe Pooper stayed up for the Hot Lips’ Midnight Nude Trail (or if it even occurred) as we walked back and died relatively early. By the way, the recommended accommodations were very nice. We did the Days Inn last December but tried the Arlington House (hostel – with the entire Italian Soccer Team) this time and recommend them both.

I believe there was a Post-lube trail but I didn’t hear of anyone planning to go due to timing and logistics. Overall however, CH3’s hospitality was absolutely excellent. Several members even put up visitors. Chicken and team were there helping out with maps, parking, and a thousand other things. Job well done Chicago–CONGRATULATIONS!

Remember always: hashers don’t waste beer – it’s the other way around.


[IndyScent HHH] Hash Trash from the Chicago H3 1500th Hash

I figured I’d share the wealth of fun while it’s still fresh and the brain
cells I killed don’t fully disappear into the ether.

On the weekend of July 20-22, 2007, C No Panty Ho, Moan On Trail, Orgie
O’Queef, Gagging Me Softly, Rear Admiral, Rear-End-Id, and The Mess(iah)
boarded a Mega Bus heading to our friendly neighbors to the north, Chicago,
for an all weekend hashing extravaganza.

Starting out, I think our whole group enjoyed the Mega Bus experience. It
was relatively no frills, although the double-header of ‘Far And Away’ and
some Jean Claude Van Damme where he sports a super mullet definitely livened
it up a bit. Our rowdy crew shared the back with a similarly rowdy group of
teenagers and children where, sandwiched in between was a guy who drank a
little too much on the links that day. More than once were we yelled at by
our driver due to bugging the riders up front. Despite that, our trip was
relatively uneventful and definitely worth the $2.50 most of us paid.

Upon arrival in Chicago, we hopped into a couple of cabs and made our way to
Chez Fuji aka Its Too Soft’s place aka Party Central and dumped our gear on
the Sky Deck before making our way to a bar, hoping to find hashers.
Eventually we were joined by visitors and locals alike in a super crowded
bar and made our way to another close by on the tail end of the Sheffield
Gardens Pub Crawl. The Union, this final bar, sported a beer garden, hip
hop out the wazzoo and the title of being a ‘Colts Bar’. Yes, the Indy
Hashers were at home here. Into the night, both Moan On Trail and The
Mess(iah) were coaxed onto the dance floor while locals showed them how
dropping (or periously not dropping in Moan On’s case) like it’s hot is done
while others made their way to Party Central to pitch a tent on the deck.
I’ll let you guess which kind of tent we’re talking here.

Eventually the Indy crew made it to PC as well, but way before the host, so
we chilled on the deck and later enjoyed the fruits of a beer-and-bacardi
run. Eventually ITS joined us, laughing, because he couldn’t believe we’d
taken him seriously about sleeping on the roof. By then, the tent was down,
two hashers were asleep, and most of that Bacardi was history. We were
invited down into the apartment where more drinking between the apartment
and the deck ensued. Yours truly went to bed around 3 am while others
partied on until dawn, literally in this case

In the morning, Moan On Trail ransacked the fridge for the makings of
breakfast and treated the lodgers to scrambled eggs, toast (burnt and non),
hamburger for the meat eaters, and krinkle fries. A great start to a long
and fun day. Most of us munched on food and recovered from the night before
while watching simultaneously ESPN and PBS while listening to NPR and then
happily enjoying Office Space before being shuttled off to the starting
point in ITS retired Interceptor Cruiser, Weed’s, in Lincoln Park, not
before scaring walking hashers with the air horn installed in the car. As
everyone checked in, school buses lined up to shuttle us again to the
Buckingham Fountain in Grant Park, the official starting place for the
1500th Hash (also known as the fountain at the beginning of ‘Married With

I think we managed to scare about 3 weddings having photos in the park as we
lined up for chalk talk or ran by, making our way throughout the Chicago
scenery. Weaving amongst the many streets and crossing the river, we found
the first beer check in a two car garage with the two kegs for trail in the
back of ITS car. As the pack came back together, we found out we’d been
kicked out of the original stop. Not long after leaving this first stop, we
received a Turkey-Eagle split which led us Turkey’s through a bit of
warehouse scenery, until reaching the second beer check. Jewbacca’s
amusement would not be lost on the location of this check: the car was now
parked just next to train tracks about to go over a rail bridge. We learned
the end was a mere 5 blocks away, through yuppie shiggy I might add.

At Weed’s we found ourselves locked in a long long long circle…but what do
you expect having 101 hashers there. The gave long enough for dinner to
arrive: fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and salad. Yum yum! Well
into the night our party ragged in Weed’s beer garden while some of us made
our way ‘home’. It was a relatively early night for C No, I’m afraid. I
think I hit the hay about 11 due to, surprise, headache.

On Sunday, many of us woke and found that items were not ncessarily where we
left them, and by 9 am, the Rears were showered, almost packed, and almost
ready to go due to their 11 am bus ride. The rest of us lodgers were
staying until our 6 p.m. bus rides and for the Sunday ‘Kegs & Eggs’ Hangover
Hash. Some of us couldn’t wait, though. Although the warmth of bloody
maries and bailey’s and coffee soothed our stomachs, they called out for
donuts, Dunkin’ Donuts a few blocks away. Needing ice for the precious
beer, myself, Nurse Hashit (Big Hump), and Cum On My Assfault (Chicago H3)
ventured for ice and Nurse and I continued for donuts, bringing back a
variety, including my favorite, donut holes. While other went on the actual
Hangover Hash, I stayed back to help ITS with breakfast. We went to the
store and I started on it and Moan On jumped in. Eggs again, this time with
a side of sauteed tomatoes and onions, krinkle fries, bagels, and english
muffins. It was super yummy. Cum On My Assfault took care of the bacon and
our lovely ass-istant, Sex Luthor was our runner.

Moan On and I, for that reason, missed the first circle, but a later one
commenced, when eventually the third and last keg was drained. Oh yes, what
could barely be done in one afternoon and evening by 90+ people (well
draining 2 kegs) was accomplished by a group of 35 in a few hours. Also, I
made up a few new lines to ‘Jesus Saves’ and one for ‘I Used to work in

Finally, circle ended just in time for a few of us to get showers before
heading to Union Station. Chicken Stiffer escorted us down to the Station,
and even bought us a pitcher of beer and some burgers at McDonald’s. Thanks
so much, CS!

All in all, a wonderful weekend put on by Chicago H3. With the prices of
Mega Bus being so cheap, I hope that other IndyScenters can make their way
to Chicago in the future. Hopefully pictures will come soon. There are
some great ones!


C No Panty Ho
IndyScent H3 On-Sec

“I’m not drunk. I’m just exhausted from staying up all night drinking!”