The S & M Man

NOTES: The chorus begins the song, followed by the verses. The first two lines of each verse are repeated back to the leader of the song as members attempt to out-gross the other members. Since this is a particularly nasty song, it has been known to clear out more than one bar – sing at your own risk.


Melody – The Candy Man

(Oh!) The S & M man.
The S & M man,
The S & M man because mixes it with love,
Makes the hurt feel good, the hurt feel good.

Who will run through shiggy, (Who will run through shiggy,)
Ripping up his flesh, (Ripping up his flesh)
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?


  • Who cuts off your gonads,
    Boils ‘em in a stew,
    Later that evening,
    He’ll feed ‘em back to you?
  • Who can take a razor,
    And no shaving cream,
    Scrape her pussy bald,
    While he listens to her scream?
  • Who can take a bottle,
    Shove it up your ass,
    Hit it with a hammer,
    And line your ass with glass?
  • Who can take your penis,
    Slam it in a door,
    Slam it in a door,
    So you can’t fuck anymore?
  • Who can take a sander,
    Make sure it’s Black and Decker,
    Rub it up and down,
    Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker?
  • Who can take two ice picks,
    Stick one in each ear,
    And ride her like a Harley,
    While he roots her up the rear?
  • Who takes jumper cables,
    Clamps one on each tit,
    Starts up the car,
    And electrocutes the bitch?
  • ho can take a vagina,
    Suck out all the yeast,
    Spit it out into some dough,
    And serve bread at the hash feast?
  • Who can take a puppy,
    Hold it by the ears,
    Fuck it in the ass,
    Until it sheds those puppy tears?
  • Who can take a cheese grater,
    Strap it to his arm,
    Fist fuck the bitch
    And make Vagina Parmesan?
  • Who can take a baby,
    Lay it on a bed,
    Turn the bugger over,
    Fuck the soft spot in its head?
  • Who can take a little girl,
    Before she’s on the rag,
    Fuck her till she’s dead
    And then toss her in a bag?
  • Who goes to the abortion clinic,
    Sneaks around the back,
    Digs through the dumpster,
    Until he finds a tasty snack?
  • Who goes to the abortion clinic,
    Fuck goin’ around the back
    Kick down the front door,
    And eat it out her snatch?<
  • Who can take a sawfish,
    Ram it up yer bum,
    Run it back and forth,
    To make some rectal chum?