Balls to Your Partner

NOTES: The chorus is sung to being the song, followed by the first verse, and then the chorus again. Additional verses are then added, alternating with the chorus. When the song is over the final verse is sung, followed by the chorus again.

Balls to Your Partner

Melody – The Ball of Kerrymuir

Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall,
If you’ve never been laid on Saturday night,
You’ve never been laid at all.

First lady forward,
second lady back.
Third lady’s finger up
the fourth lady’s crack.

And when the ball was over,
Everyone confessed,
They all enjoyed the dancing,
But the fucking was the best!


  • Four and twenty virgins,
    Came down from Inverness,
    And when the ball was over
    There were four and twenty less.
  • There was fucking in the hallways,
    And fucking in the ricks,
    You couldn’t hear the music
    For the swishing of the pricks.
  • There was fucking in the kitchen,
    And fucking in the halls,
    You couldn’t hear the music for
    The clanging of the balls.
  • They were fucking in the Barley.
    They were fucking in the oats.
    Some were fucking sheep,
    but most were fucking goats.
  • There was fucking in the parlor,
    And fucking on the stairs,
    You couldn’t see the carpet
    For the mass of public hairs.
  • The parson’s daughter she was there,
    The cunning little runt,
    With poison ivy up her ass
    And thistle up her cunt.
  • The village idiot he was there
    Sitting on a pole
    Pulled his foreskin over his head
    And whistled though the hole.
  • Little Tommy he was there
    He was only eight
    Couldn’t fuck the women
    So he had to masturbate.
  • The blacksmith’s brother he was there
    A mighty stud was he
    Lined ’em up against the wall
    And fucked ’em three-by-three.
  • The village cripple he was there,
    He couldn’t move too much,
    So he lined the ladies against the wall,
    And fucked them with his crutch!
  • The village policeman he was there,
    The pride of the force,
    They found him in the stables,
    Jacking off the horse!
  • Little Jimmy he was there,
    The leader of the choir,
    He hit the balls of all the boys,
    To make their voices go higher!
  • The bride she was there,
    Explaining to the groom,
    That the vagina not the asshole,
    Is the entrance to the womb!